Wanting to be more than I am...

As I am having this conversation with myself about the people I surround myself with I hear my mother saying for the millionth time "If your friend told you to jump off a cliff would you do it?" It's not very often that I will give my mother the credit for being right, but she always was in this area. My attitude and my behavior truly are reflected from my surroundings and the people that I spend time with. The last couple of weeks I have been struggling with my bad attitude and not knowing where to start to change it. I think one of the most significant things that I can do is spend time with people that are full of joy. True joy. The joy that can only come from the hope that there is more to this life than living and dying. I want to be joyful. I want to live a life of character. As Sara Groves sings, "When the saints go marching in I want to be one of them". I want to be more than me. I want to strive daily to be more. I want to posses the wisdom that is written of in James 3:17, "Wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."

I want to be more....

like Him.

Somedays...I suck at life.

A smile is small but mighty...

How often do you think that a smile says more than words? I believe smiles were created to show love. How often do you smile at strangers? Do you think it makes a difference? It does.

I am a part of the Church. Not a building. Not a Sunday morning gathering place. I am a living, breathing, moving Church. I am to "Live a life worthy of the calling I have recieved. Be completely humble and gentle: be patient, bearing with one another in love" Eph. 4:1-2

Will I ever be Worthy? No. But I can strive to be. I can smile when you need sunshine, I can hold your hand when you need to feel close, I can listen when you need to talk, I can hide with you until you feel safe, I can laugh with you when you are looking for Joy, I can be more like Him. I will never be worthy, but doing nothing will never get me closer. I have to move forward. I can't gain wisdom in leaps and bounds. I just need to live life...it will come.

When you least expect it...

Lessons

I learned last night...

I must become the person I want to marry.

Being lonely and single is far less difficult than being lonely and married...wait for the right one.

Looks will fade...character will last forever...seek a man with character.

In order for a man to lead he has to know how to follow.

Find the man that seeks God before he seeks you...

When all is stripped away...

Its sad that it takes something being taken away from me for me to really appreciate whatever that thing is. Wait wait wait...it seems like all I do is wait. Wait to love, wait to move, wait for God, wait for answers, wait to believe. Why am I waiting and What am I waiting for? I just need to do the things I love, move where I feel moved, believe because its true, seek the answers, love without reservation...

Music is the passion of my heart. For the last week I have been sick...stomach sick, head sick, throat sick, voice sick. Singing is something that I love that I completely take for granted. Going a day without singing is like going a day without breathing. I didnt realize the significance until it was stripped from me the last week. Ive been taking drugs like crazy trying to clear all this maddness up, but its not moving as fast as I would like. I wasnt able to sing last week at church, so I sat in the pew just listening. As I closed my eyes they started singing "Im coming back to the heart of worship and its all about you...its all about you Jesus...im sorry Lord for the thing Ive made it cause its all about you...its all about you Jesus. " Its just not about me.

Working on a Thankful Heart...

Alive or Dead...

It doesnt seem possible to be alive yet not living.

I am. I am the one not living yet still breathing. What is it that will make me come alive? I suppose if God is willing to give me life and breath for one more day, one more moment, I should do something with it. Its the What that has got me stumped. Laughter, music, singing, giving, helping, resting, thinking...those are the things that make me come alive. Why am I so thoughtless about the important things? Why do we spend the majority of our time breathing in the air on the surface when the air that gives life is in the depths. Think, be real, get deep, breath in life and live for the things that matter...

Who's rowing my boat?

Well...I've decided to give this blog thing a try. I hope to bring my creative juices to the forefront after an absence of quite some time. When I dont feel like telling everyone what is going on in my life they can just read my thoughts on here. Here goes...

Sometimes I feel like a paddle with no boat. I've got things going...just don't have the gumption to get there. Someone asked me the other day what my plans were. I told this person that I need someone else to tell me what my plans are next. Now, does that make any sense? No...but that's what I said. I have got to quit waiting for something or someone to tell me what to do next. Maybe Im thinking that marriage is my easy way out of having to figure out what to do with my life. I am not usually a follower. Especially when it comes to guys, but if I found the "one" I wouldn't be alone in figuring things out. I know...im not alone. God is here...I just need to give him my paddle. I would feel safer in His boat anyway.